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"In the past it's always been just Christmas eve that was the super romantic day of the year but as Christmas falls on a Friday this year, meaning the next day is a day off, many are focusing all their attention on the day itself and it's mortifying," explained Tomo Hasegawa, a 29-year-old singleton working for a trading company near Tokyo's Akasaka.
"If you're single and don't have a date this Christmas, it's particularly brutal, because all the couples around you will be laughing and joking, and perhaps cuddling and holding hands, while you're left in the cold, alone, to realize this is how your life may always be. Forever," a dejected Hasegawa told Xinhua.
He said that the run up to the big dating game, be it on Christmas eve or on Christmas day had begun months ago, with both single guys and girls doing everything in their power to ensure that they are not alone, at least not on the special day.
Many utilized personal connections to set up their dates, harassing their friends to hook them up with someone, some organized match-making parties so that the loneliness could be dodged en masse, and others took to social media and online dating sites, in desperate attempts to secure some company for the special day that is loved and loathed here in equal parts.
In some respects, being with a partner at Christmas, a group of friends, or at a party, has grown over the years in Japan into something of a social status symbol, along with girls and guys receiving chocolate and presents on Valentine's Day and White Day, with singletons failing to secure a date during the festive period or receiving no goodies during the Valentine's period, being viewed pitifully in the mean sense of the word.
"Japan is very much a 'group culture' society and if an individual is left out of the 'group' or the norms of its actions this can cause the group to deride that individual and that person can feel a sense of anomie, isolation and disconnection from society in extreme cases," sociologist Keiko Gono told Xinhua.
"But even in less severe situations where one group of friends or workmates have all got dates for Christmas but one guy or girl doesn't, they can be ribbed by the group, which is a form of bullying that serves to reinforce the 'in' group culture, while making an example of the individual 'out' group or outsider," Gono explained.
She added that such was the need in Japan to feel a part of the group that great efforts have been made to not be alone on Christmas day, with some companies taking it into their own hands to host elaborate parties, while some online escort agencies have been offering special "Christmas discounts" for their services, which range from a "companion" being selected from a list of photos to accompany the paying gentleman to dinner, with extra after-dinner activities such as singing in karaoke or watching a late night move, and such like, being a negotiation between client and escort.
Kenta Okamoto, a 30-something IT expert working for a startup that makes smartphone apps, told Xinhua that there were exactly zero girls working in his office and as such it was extremely difficult to meet an eligible partner. He said that most of the other guys had succeeded in securing dates, boasting that they'd just gone to bars and "got lucky" but he believed they'd been using online dating services to ensure they would not be alone.
"I can't say they bullied me for not having a date at Christmas, but all everyone's been talking about for the past couple of weeks is who they're going to date, where they're going to go and how the evening is going to finish for them. As I had nothing to contribute to the testosterone-fueled banter -- which is rare in my office as we're all basically not alpha males at all -- everyone assumed I couldn't get a date and they have been calling me 'cherry boy,' which is Japanese slang for virgin, for the last two weeks.
"I came to work yesterday and found a bowl of fresh cherries left for me on my desk, this was okay because they were delicious and that was quite amusing, but someone changed my screen saver on my PC to a Photoshopped picture of me covered in cherries and I don't know how to change it back," moaned Okamoto Friday.
While it may seem as though Japanese men are getting the short end of the stick at this time of year, it's not an easy time for girls either, especially those looking for a serious relationship.
26-year-old cosmetologist Aya Tanabe told Xinhua that she was looking for a serious boyfriend and was fed up with being asked out by guys just so they wouldn't "lose face" at Christmas time.
"I feel like some kind of object that's just used for Christmas and then thrown away," lamented Tanabe. "These guys are so dumb, I' ve been single for at least eight months now and have made no secret about it, and there's a couple of guys in my network that have shown some interest and we've had drinks and dinner and chatted by text, but it's never moved beyond that," Tanabe, a well-spoken, highly-educated and immaculately dressed young women said.
"But suddenly, as soon as Christmas is round the corner, my phone never stops ringing; the texts never stop coming to the point I have to switch it off for just to keep my sanity. The sad thing is, if these guys had a slightly longer-term view, especially a couple of them, and had acted earlier, I could be in a proper relationship by now, rather than in this rut of believing that all men are idiots," she whined. "I'll be hanging out with my girlfriends at Christmas, I won't even make eye-contact with any guys and I'll keep my phone off," she said.
The relentless pressure in Tokyo and Japan of not being single has resulted in the formation of a group of anti-Christmas protestors calling themselves "Losers With Women." With banners reading "Smash Christmas!" the group marched through the Shibuya shopping district in central Tokyo last weekend, chanting that the commercialization of Christmas was disgusting and that "unpopular men" and "lonely men" are discriminated against in Japan at this time of year.
The same group, known officially as Kakumeiteki Hi-mote Domei, or the Revolutionary Losers' League, also mobilizes around each Valentine's Day to voice similar objections about overt capitalism and prejudice towards singleton "loser" men.
While Gono said that each year the desperation to not be alone for many wears off as New Year approaches -- which is a time typically spent with families -- for the terminally lonely it's a very dangerous time of year, with instances of suicides and visits to doctors for "depression-linked" issues spiking.
"It's worse for those who also don't have families, or no one to visit at New Year. Shogatsu (Japanese New Year) is an important time of family bonding in Japan, and perhaps more so than Christmas, those alone during New Year can fall into states of depression, sometimes clinical," she said, adding that the latter cases could be directly related to instances of suicide.
But for Hasegawa he's fortunate enough to have a loving family expecting him to return to his family home in Hyogo Prefecture on Dec. 31 and for him that's his saving grace. "If it weren't for my family, my mom, dad and sister, and grandparents, there'd be nothing for me to look forward to this New Year," said Hasegawa.
"So, just to shut my friends up and to give myself a little ego boost, I've saved a bit of money to go to a hostess bar called "Sin City" near Shinjuku tonight. I figure It'll cost me 30,000-40, 000 yen (around 248-332 U.S. dollars) to sit next to a girl called 'Candy' and buy her drinks for a couple of hours while she tries to make me feel special, so that I'll buy her more drinks. That's how they make their money," Hasegawa said Thursday.
"I know it's pathetic, but at least we can take a 'selfie' together and I can post it on my FaceBook or Twitter page to ' prove' to everyone I'm not a single loser. I know it's pathetic," Hasegawa mused, seemingly to himself. Enditem
