Football transfer rumours: Jan Oblak and Max Meyer to Arsenal?

Good morning. It is only 34 hours and counting since the transfer window shut, so, y’know. The biggest story of the day seems to be about the poor woman’s Margaret Mountford, Karren Brady. The West Ham vice-chair has seemingly got herself into some sort of scrape down the Co-op while buying a can of Irn-Bru, a Dr Oetker pizza and 20 B& ... ah hold on ... no, it’s a showy anecdote about Leicester’s chairman spending £500,000 at “London’s most expensive wine shop”. Different world, innit. To be honest, Jacob Steinberg tells it better. But it all means the Hammers missed out on Islam Slimani, who ended up at Newcastle United instead. Like we say, 34 hours and counting.

Leicester have bigger fish to fry, anyway. They may end up fining wantaway Riyad Mahrez £200,000 for missing training after his move to Manchester City came to naught. That’s two and a half visits to London’s most pricey Blue Nun emporium, or 50,000 trips down the local shop for pizza, pop and tabs. Makes you think.

As for West Ham, life goes on as well, and they’re seriously interested in Jonny Evans. Let’s hope nobody on the board has spotted anyone from West Brom at the checkout, or that deal could go belly up and all.

Manchester United want Mauricio Pochettino to take over from José Mourinho, who in turn is desperately seeking a new defensive midfielder to help Paul Pogba do his job properly. Pogba cost a world-record £89.3m.

Arsenal are in for Bordeaux forward Malcom, Schalke midfielder Max Meyer and Atlético Madrid keeper Jan Oblak. Tottenham want Fulham left-back Ryan Sessegnon and Norwich schemer James Maddison.

And if you want the Rumour Mill’s opinion, the best Oetker is the Pollo, but the Pepperoni-Salame is pretty good too. Pair with Irn-Bru Xtra.

(GUARDIAN)