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Former tennis star’s book documents abuse she endured from her father, but Dokic is finding support all around, including from Nick Kyrgios’s mum
Jelena Dokic has succeeded in getting the tennis world talking, on a topic people find notoriously hard to talk about.
Returning to Melbourne Park to commentate for the first time since the release of her book Unbreakable, which documents in harrowing detail the abuse she endured at the hands of her father, Dokic has been overwhelmed by the support she has received.
“The support has been unbelievable,” she said to Guardian Australia from Melbourne Park. “The reception has been so positive, from the media to regular fans, tennis people, non-tennis people.
“I’m pretty much the first one to talk about something like this. No-one has ever really done it in tennis. It’s incredible to see some of the players and press carrying the book around. Everyone knows about it and everyone’s talking about it.”
While she says the impetus for writing the book was not her own healing, an individual transformation has also taken place.
“When it came out, it was such a good feeling. People who know me really well say I have changed quite a bit in the past few years, but especially since the book came out.
“They’ve said that I smile a lot more, and that I look like the weight was taken off me, was lifted. And I think they’re right; I do feel that way.
“I’ve always loved coming here, but I think [this time] a lot of people have also gotten to know me ... and I realise even more now that they didn’t know who I was [when I was a player] or what I was about. So I’m quite lucky in a sense that I was able to put [my story] in writing and get it out there.”
One consequence of her comfort discussing her experience of domestic violence, she says, is that it has enabled others to start talking.
“On the book tour, it was surreal, I had people who had been in the same situation, or are still, come up and tell me they’ve been inspired by my story.
“A lot of people have come to me and said it’s good that I’ve done this, it’s good that I’ve talked about it, because it’s still happening. It’s happening in sport, and it’s happening in every day life. Now [what is important] is how we deal with it.”
And so, in the spirit of making sure structures are in place to help those going through what she did, Dokic is working on setting up a foundation to raise awareness for women and children experiencing family violence.
“With my name, my profile, I can do a lot to raise awareness. People don’t talk about this kind of thing, because they’re embarrassed, worried they’ll be judged, or they feel ashamed.
“It’s about education and teaching people that by not talking to someone about it, running away from it, you’re actually making it more difficult for the victims, because they are going to feel even more ashamed; it’s a vicious cycle.
“It’s a bit like what happened in Hollywood [with the ‘me too’ movement]. I can understand why women feel ashamed to talk about their experiences. But they shouldn’t, they should be OK to talk about it, they should not be judged, they should actually be celebrated for getting through it and being the face and spokespeople for the issue, [because] they’re raising awareness and educating people.”
Dokic will be heavily involved in the foundation – making time in her busy schedule to ensure that survivors are heard and respected.
“One thing I want to do is have a personal approach, a case-by-case approach to help people in whatever way we can. [Whether that be] people who are getting out of these relationships or situations, helping them financially to get back on their feet – it’s little things like that I want to do.
“Everyone’s story is unique. What would’ve helped me might not help someone else, so it’s about talking to people and hearing from them what they need.”
Another step in Dokic’s awareness raising will be turning her book into a documentary, having just signed a contract that will see it launch this time next year. There will be no reenactments, she says, and Dokic will be heavily involved as producer, confident that taking her story to the screen will provide another avenue for discussion and education around violence against women and children.
In the meantime, she remains buoyed by those who her story has touched, including an unlikely source in Nick Kyrgios’s mother Norlaila, or Nill for short. Dokic says she met Nill after she did an interview with the Canberra Times where Kyrgios’ family was compared to hers – to Dokic’s dismay.
“I was like, ‘stop right there. My Mum supported my Dad, so you can’t compare those two families, and support systems.’ She read that interview and called me – she said she heard I was coming to Canberra with the book tour. So we had a big conversation before the event and after too.
“She was so nice. She’s a big fan of mine, and the book, and wants me to come watch Nick whenever he’s here. I love the way she supports him and the way she is as a mum.”
Dokic nods solemnly when it is suggested that she would have benefited from the same support.
“Yes, I wish that I had had support like that. But because of the book Nill and I were talking about Nick’s foundation and hopefully getting together and seeing if we can do something together.”
And so, in the end, the unlikely pair of Dokic and Kyrgios may have more in common than not – not at all because of their family situations, but because of how the media has struggled to comprehend their personal complexities, far more intricate than can be extrapolated from the glimpses given at press conferences and tournament matches alike. In giving back to the community in their respective ways, both are now finding their own voice.
(GUARDIAN)
